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Friday July 12, 2002 - 10:14 a.m. Reasons why it would be interesting to see me at the gym: * I try to keep my unhs to a minimum, and mostly attempt to keep them strictly internal, but babies, I sure as hell do not succeed. * I can turn bright red, nay, bright purple just standing there thinking about doing an exercise. * I swear at the machines a lot. * I have to concentrate really really hard to keep from flying off the treadmill. That last one I'm not kidding about. When I'm on the treadmill I look a bit like Rainman because I stare really hard at the console in front of me and sort of mutter. This is because if I actually think about what I'm doing, or attempt to look around, I will - I'm not kidding here - fly backwards to my death. On top of this, I have an aversion to holding onto that bar that's put there just for rejects like me, because none of the other kids have to. It's not that I don't want to be uncool. It's just that this innately stubborn, and mostly annoying, part of me says that if no one else has to hold on to keep from dying in a horrifying and utterly embarrassing manner, neither should I: It is possible, Rewind. You're just thinking too hard. (I tell myself.) I mean, look over there at that lady. She's, like 82 and she's running at a nice clip, all, "look ma, no hands" and everything. I mean, just look at her. Oh, for the love of God, don't really look at her! Don't turn your head! Get your balance again...that's right, slowly swivel the ol' noggin back around. Focus on the screen there. That's right. Get those feet back under you. Okay, get a grip. Just not literally. As you can imagine, all this internal dialogue just makes the muttering that much worse. The treadmill I happened to be using yesterday even had this safety rope to clip to your clothing, attached to this big, glaring STOP panel that I kept accidentally brushing while trying to adjust my incline and the machine would suddenly jerk to a stop and announce that it was on "Pause Mode - Please Speed Up to Begin Again." You can only imagine the trouble that caused. Just for the record, I did not use the safety rope either. I figured if there was a real emergency, the rope would probably just end up taking one of my limbs off or something. Besides, no one else was using theirs. So...I'll talk to you later, babies. Those of you that are left. Kisses,
-Mlle R
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